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Korus
Old Soldier
Member # 630
Icon 1 posted 13 February 2021 20:13
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Well, this one never, ever grows old.... [Big Grin]

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call
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Posts: 64 | From: LFWA | Registered: Jan 2002
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echo
Veteran
Member # 113
Icon 1 posted 13 February 2021 20:43
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*has a good laugh*
nope,never does get old.
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Nulli Secondus
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Posts: 153 | From: Markham,Ontario,Canada | Registered: Sep 2000
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Another Recce Guy
Armour Forum Moderator
Member # 279
Icon 12 posted 14 February 2021 06:38
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Try this site http://www.giggleshack.com there is a whole section with military humour. Enjoy!
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A.R.G.
Member Rated:
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Posts: 116 | From: Windsor, Ontario | Registered: Apr 2001
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delta
Recruit
Member # 589
Icon 1 posted 17 March 2021 17:43
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hehehehehehehehehehehehe...

dear ol' americans...who are we going to make fun of without them? [Wink]
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Up the guards
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Posts: 13 | From: Ottawa, ON | Registered: Dec 2001
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Sharpey
Veteran
Member # 636
Icon 17 posted 19 March 2021 20:35
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Here's a joke... "The Canadian Armed Forces!" We have the trained soldiers, give us some toys!
[Tank]
Member Rated:
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Posts: 104 | From: Windsor | Registered: Jan 2002
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Bedpan Elemental
Old Soldier
Member # 456
Icon 1 posted 19 March 2021 21:25
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http://www.skippyslist.com/

Some funny stuff.
Member Rated:
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Posts: 67 | From: Waterloo, Ontario | Registered: Aug 2001
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Soldier of Fortune
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Member # 223
Icon 16 posted 21 March 2021 16:35
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HaHaHa!

Yes the sites Another Recce Guy and Bedoan Elemental also have some very funny ones.
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[Canadian] [Bullet] Soldier of Fortune [Bullet] [Canadian]
Member Rated:
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Posts: 199 | From: Ontario | Registered: Mar 2001
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Fus
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Member # 648
Icon 16 posted 22 March 2021 15:54
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HAA!

That skippy stuff was friggin great !!!!
Member Rated:
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Posts: 126 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jan 2002
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Sharpey
Veteran
Member # 636
Icon 17 posted 29 April 2021 11:18
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"Thank you for calling the Canadian Armed Forces"

Thank you for calling the Canadian Forces.
We are sorry, but all our units are out at the
moment. Please press '1' to leave a message, with your
country, name of organization, region, details of the
specific crisis, media relations plan, exit strategy,
and a number where we can reach you.

As soon as we have sorted out East Timor, the Balkans,
Iraq, marauding Chinese refugee boats, The Combat Bra,
The Millennium Bug, ice storms, floods, prime
Ministerial lip-slips, marching up and down the
streets of Toronto with snow shovels and compulsory
Diversity Training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone. For other services,
please listen to the following options:

If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press
'2' for the Canadian Navy.

If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate
and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two
low-risk bombing runs, please press '3' for the
Canadian Air Force. Please note that this service is
not available after 1630 hours or on weekends.

If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be
resolved by a bit of rifle drill, a color party and a
really good marching band, please write, well in
advance, to The Commanding Officer, Governor General's
Foot Guards, Ottawa, Ontario.

If your enquiry is not urgent, please press '4' for
the 2nd Canadian Mechanized Brigade Group Quick
Reaction Force.

If you are in immediate and serious danger, press '5'
and your call will be routed to The Royal Canadian
Army Cadets, Upper Rubber Boot, Saskatchewan.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to
be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis,
put your life partner and family in a condemned hut
miles from civilization, and are prepared to work
your butt off daily, risking your life in all weathers
and terrain, both day and night, whilst watching the
Treasury Board eroding your original terms and
conditions of service, then please stay on the line.
Your call will shortly be taken by a bitter
passed-over
Recruiting Sergeant in a strip mall somewhere in
Newfoundland.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for
trying to contact the Canadian Forces.
Member Rated:
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Posts: 104 | From: Windsor | Registered: Jan 2002
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Coniar
Recruit
Member # 810
Icon 1 posted 30 April 2021 19:48
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I cant belive thats actually real!
I wonder who was on the US end of the Radio?
As for Sharpeys post that pretty much sums up the Canadien Military, or at least what most people think of it.

-------------------------------------------------

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to
be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis,
put your life partner and family in a condemned hut
miles from civilization, and are prepared to work
your butt off daily, risking your life in all weathers
and terrain, both day and night, whilst watching the
Treasury Board eroding your original terms and
conditions of service, then please stay on the line.
Your call will shortly be taken by a bitter
passed-over
Recruiting Sergeant in a strip mall somewhere in
Newfoundland.
-------------------------------------------------------
Funny that really dosent lessen my desire to join the army. Mabey I should go see my doctor...

Coniar [Smile] [Canadian]
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Records are there to be broken...
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Posts: 25 | From: Vancover | Registered: Apr 2002
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2915_p&d;
Recruit
Member # 686
Icon 19 posted 01 May 2021 11:37
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I agree with with Sharpey on that one.We better hide the fire wood because here come the Canadians with their pick up trucks when the prime minister is flying around in a new leer jet. [War Story] [Canadian]
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Posts: 12 | From: Capreol | Registered: Feb 2002
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Art Johnson
Old Soldier
Member # 7
Icon 1 posted 01 May 2021 23:41
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An old soldier friend of mine sent me this the other day.

An old soldier went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat
down next to him.

She turned to the soldier and asked, "Are you a
real soldier?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life in the
army, drilling recruits, jumping out of airplanes,
and fighting battles, so I guess I am."
What do you do?

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day
thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the
morning, I think about women, when I shower, watch TV,
eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of
women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side
of the old soldier and asked, "Are you a real soldier?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found
out I'm a lesbian.
Member Rated:
2

Posts: 69 | From: Scarborough ON Canada | Registered: Jun 2000
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