The War Diary: FUNNY ONE-LINERS!!!!!!

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Topic: FUNNY ONE-LINERS!!!!!!

Grubby
Veteran
Member # 432

Member Rated:

posted 20 August 2021 04:59

Anyone care to share funny one-liners from Rusty, Krusty SGT's, WO's, CSM's, RSM's?? You know the saying that they must learn somewhere, the saying that made you bit your tongue on pde's for fear of laughing your *** off at attention.

Example:

"Don't snow the snowman"
"Don't sit around here on the weekend drinking beer...waiting for the caps to sing" (ie Labatt Blue caps)
"If you drive don't drink, but if your drinking and not driving, then DRIVE 'ER!!!!!"
that sort of stuff

Grubby

Posts: 38 | From: ALBERTA,CANADA | Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

reg1
Recruit
Member # 138

Rate Member

posted 04 September 2021 18:24

iremember the rsm saying during drill practice "stand still or i will drive my pace stik up your rear end and call you a recruit sicle. i did not want to put down the real words but rear end is the best i can do, you know what i mean.

Posts: 30 | From: st.wilfred newbrunswick canada | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

Infanteer
Veteran
Member # 349

posted 04 September 2021 21:38

"You are not the pole-smoking, nintendo-playing, long haired freaks you were two damn weeks ago, so why the hell are you still screwing this up."

or....

"Shut up. We are here to preserve democracy, not practice it."

and there is my favorite....

"Holy s**t, you guys move like old people f**k, get going now!!!"

[ 04 September 2001: Message edited by: Infanteer ]

Posts: 50 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

Infanteer
Veteran
Member # 349

posted 04 September 2021 21:45

Haha...
Or how about "STAND STILL!!! If you have an itch on your face, you worry about it tomorrow!"

Posts: 50 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

Master Blaster
Veteran
Member # 60

Member Rated:

posted 04 September 2021 22:16

when refering to anyone on the job in uniform;
"a f**king waste of rations, skin and uniform"

the answer to the meaning of life = Sh*tpump! ie: everthing that lives pumps it...what doesn't live, doesn't pump it...ergo "sh*tpump!"

I'm getting tired of waiting for you kindergarten children...if you don't hurry up and get over that wall, I'll start using this pitchfork (bring one on the Obs Course...Hell of a motivator (specially when they know that you're crazy enough to use it!))

Ripping off their heads and sh*tting down the hole is usually a way to obtain their clear and undivided attention but if that fails there's always the somewhat amusing method of pushing their left eardrum through their right eardrum with your parade square voice.

All of the above is merely heresay and is not condoned by myself nor have I ever seen it done to anyone that I know or ever pretended to know

Dileas

[Evil]

Posts: 61 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged

McG
Veteran
Member # 150

Member Rated:

posted 05 September 2021 21:31

I have a friend who, through his first three months of training in the CF, was refered to by the Crse WO as "my little civi in uniform."

Chimo!

Posts: 152 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2001 | IP: Logged

Disturbance
Veteran
Member # 280

Member Rated:

posted 07 September 2021 19:40

'aw muffin'

Posts: 40 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001 | IP: Logged

SSM
Recruit
Member # 447

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posted 08 September 2021 07:10

My favorite was from back in the 70s..the story goes like this: A CSM walks around a corner and catches two young soldiers tokin' up. His remark is..Trudeau legalized homosexuality, not marijuana!
The next joint I catch you suckin' on had better have a body on the end of it!

Posts: 5 | From: Moncton N.B. | Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

Jungle
Recruit
Member # 480

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posted 08 September 2021 14:50

How about this one: "i'm not sure where we're goin', but one thing is certain: we're all goin'!!!" [Blotto]

Posts: 8 | Registered: Sep 2001 | IP: Logged

RCA
Veteran
Member # 74

Member Rated:

posted 09 September 2021 14:08

"Does your hair hurt?" It should be, I'm standing on it!

"What do you do for an encore? S*** on your hat badge"

"Contray to popular belief, baseball bats aren't meant for hitting baseballs (back in Old Days when a crse WO I knew used a baseball bat as a drill cane)

Ubique

Posts: 188 | From: Army of the West | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged

fusilier
Veteran
Member # 115

Member Rated:

posted 10 September 2021 16:49

How about this one
Excuses are like *******s, everybody has got one and it is usually full of ****.
I remember my MCpl saying I was like the retarded child he never had, that was fairly amusing. My buddy whos a master jack threatens the troops by saying this "If you don't get up that hill, I'll drive my foot so far up your *** , you're breath will smell like Kiwi fora week."
"Holy ****, you look like a can of smashed *******s" is a popular one in Cape Breton, ,haha

Posts: 61 | From: Kingston, Ont | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

Yard Ape
Veteran
Member # 158

Member Rated:

posted 11 September 2021 08:34

"What is the matter Pte Bloggins? Did your mother never buy you that toy where you put the square peg in the square hole and the round peg in the round hole?" . . . After Pte Bloggins spent 5 min trying to put the C9 gas tube on backwards!

Yard Ape

Posts: 155 | From: Northern Ontario | Registered: Feb 2001 | IP: Logged

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